Top rated quotes


#1   our first poem is an ode to monosaccharides

31 [+ / -]     Sep 16, 2008

  • Professor: Alright class, welcome to English Composition 1. Please read along with me as I cover the syllabus.
  • Dumpy Kid: (opens door) Is this English Comp 1?
  • Professor: No, this is graduate-level Biochemistry.
  • Dumpy Kid: Sorry... (leaves awkwardly)
  • Professor: Week one, we will be reading several essays and poems...

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#2   you could bottle that kind of crazy

6 [+ / -]     Dec 09, 2008

  • Guy: He had some crazy ass name like John.

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#3   "she" just loves keeping up with traffic news

5 [+ / -]     Oct 04, 2008

  • Large Bus Driver: 22 checkin' in.
  • Radio: Aight 22. Y'all might want to watch out for that traffic on Magnolia today. It's hard to get through.
  • Large Bus Driver: That's what she said.
  • (Passengers and Radio are silent)
  • Radio: (after some time) Copy that.

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#4   what happens when the change is $4.20?

2 [+ / -]     Nov 19, 2008

  • Redneck Clerk: $17.92 is your total. In 1792, Columbus sailed the ocean blue!

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#5   that's how you know you spelled it right

1 [+ / -]     Dec 13, 2008

  • high school girl 1: (Sending a text message) How do you spell "cocky?"
  • high school girl 2: C-O-C-Y.
  • high school girl 1: (types it) That looks like "cookie!"
  • high school girl 2: Yeah, it does.

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#6   the kind that doesn't use her tongue for everything?

0 [+ / -]     Aug 26, 2008

  • Older Woman: Can you tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue?
  • Old Woman: No, I never figured that one out.
  • Older Woman: What kind of daughter have I raised?

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#7   to the chem lab!

-1 [+ / -]     Sep 13, 2008

  • Guy 1: You have to try this lemonade, it's the best!
  • Guy 2: What does it have in it?

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#8   we're guessing it won't really matter that much

-3 [+ / -]     Aug 26, 2008

  • Blonde: How many questions are on the test?
  • Professor: Twenty-seven.
  • Blonde: How many points are they each worth?
  • Professor: One.
  • Blonde: Out of what?

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#9   a delayed reaction is better than nothing

-6 [+ / -]     Oct 16, 2008

  • Guy 1: How do you spell regular?
  • Guy 2: (Sarcastically) R-E-G-U-L-E-R.
  • (Twenty second pause)
  • Guy 1: That's not how you spell it!

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#10   if it's on the internet, it must be true

-6 [+ / -]     Nov 05, 2008

  • Guy 1: I've done a lot of research on it.
  • Guy 2: Research... Wikipedia.

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#11   there's no place like home

-6 [+ / -]     Nov 23, 2008

  • Employee Guy 1: (makes loud groaning noise) That's Chewbacca.
  • Employee Guy 2: Ain't that that guy from Wizard of Oz? You sound just like 'im!

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#12   it doesn't count just because your jeep is green

-10 [+ / -]     Sep 14, 2008

  • Hipster: One pack of American Spirits, please.
  • Clerk: I've only sold a few packs of these... what's the deal?
  • Hipster: Well, they're made from all natural ingredients. Plus, I'm trying to "Go Green."
  • Clerk: Oh, okay.
  • (Hipster drives off in large Jeep)

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#13   thanks, now i'm gonna be analyzing this all night

-10 [+ / -]     Oct 05, 2008

  • Redneck Clerk 1: Y'know, I've always wondered that myself about them three little bears.
  • Redneck Clerk 2: Whaddya mean?
  • Redneck Clerk 1: Well, if the momma's porridge was too cold, and the daddy's porridge was too hot, how come the baby's was just right?
  • Redneck Clerk 2: Wow, I never thoughta that.

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#14   it certainly gets around

-10 [+ / -]     Oct 20, 2008

  • Kid on cell: So is this weed skank, or what?

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