Quotes Filed Under "Wtf?"


science majors do it virtually

-16 [+ / -]     Jan 15, 2010

  • Fratty 1: So Jena and Stephen are having sex in their fort tonight.
  • Fratty 2: (laughs) Really?
  • Fratty 1: Well, they're just simulating it.

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that would be on the list of warning signs

27 [+ / -]     Dec 14, 2009

  • Girl: So, when I was younger I used to kill small animals. They made me see a psychologist because they thought I would become a serial killer. Is that true?

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furries are people, too

41 [+ / -]     Nov 10, 2009

  • Girl 1: She says it's her lifestyle.
  • Girl 2: Okay, living in a huge expensive house is a lifestyle. Dressing up like a cat, and going to a parties where everyone else is a cat, and having cat orgies is not a lifestyle.

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they reworked the biology class syllabus the following year

-34 [+ / -]     Oct 14, 2009

  • Sorostitute 1: Yeah, he sexually molested me when I was in sixth grade.
  • Sorostitute 2: What? You're kidding!
  • Sorostitute 1: No, but I definitely don't think he meant anything by it.
  • Sorostitute 2: Oh, well I guess that's okay, then.

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this is either spy talk or porno talk. not sure which.

-36 [+ / -]     Oct 07, 2009

  • Girl 1: Hey, I have your umbrella.
  • Girl 2: Yeah! you jacked my umbrella.
  • Girl 1: Yeah it was in my bush in front of my apartment. You can get it if you want, its in my back seat.

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take your daughter to work day is really catching on

22 [+ / -]     Sep 16, 2009

  • Girl: I went to a strip club when I was five.
  • Guy: What? Awesome.
  • GIrl: The stripper was my mom.

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someone lost a bet

39 [+ / -]     Sep 10, 2009

  • Just look at the guy in red... Enough said.

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ah, to be young and in love

-34 [+ / -]     Sep 07, 2009

  • 16-year-old Girl 1: Ohmigod! Could you imagine fucking in these heels? Hot.
  • 16-year-old Girl 2: (gets a text) Ohmigod! Do you know who he was cheating on me with?
  • 16-year-old Girl 1: Who?
  • 16-year-old Girl 2: A fucking 12-year-old! Asshole!

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measure twice, cut once

4 [+ / -]     Sep 03, 2009

  • Dancer: You have nice long teeth. I used to have long teeth, but I thought they were too long so I had 'em filed down. But then I gained weight in my face. Now my teeth are too small.

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are those 14 pounders or 16?

-7 [+ / -]     Sep 03, 2009

  • I don't even know what to say.

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in some countries, that means they're married now

76 [+ / -]     Aug 25, 2009

  • (Fratty walking up to his friend that is studying)
  • Fratty: What's up homie g-dawg times 10,452?
  • Guy studying: Slap me some skin you sly, slicky slim jim.
  • Girl at the next table: Wait, what the fuck just happened?

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from the set of katherine heigl's new romantic comedy

36 [+ / -]     May 25, 2009

  • Girl 1: I don't know if he thinks it's a real date or not.
  • Girl 2: I'll be able to tell through my binoculars.

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they're easier to catch that way

63 [+ / -]     May 06, 2009

  • (Two guys watch an attractive woman with a limp walk by)
  • Guy 1: Aw, she has a limp.
  • Guy 2: I like that in a girl.

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just in time for mother's day

70 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2009

  • Sorostitute on Cell: You know, I should tell him that I can't fill out my shirt so that he'll get me a boob job.
  • (pause)
  • Sorostitute on Cell: No way, Mom! You're getting one? Can we get them together?

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there's so much to say...

53 [+ / -]     Apr 04, 2009

  • (In the men's room, Dave Matthews is playing)
  • Fratty: Oh man, Dave Matthews!
  • Guy: Yes, one of the few musicians that can mumble and still make millions. Don't get me wrong, he's good though.
  • Fratty: Yeah, man! I used to beat off to Dave Matthews when I was 14.

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excuse me sir, can you help me find the poultry science building?

96 [+ / -]     Mar 26, 2009

  • Random turkey walking around in the parking lot

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i always thought tim meadows would drive a nicer car

36 [+ / -]     Mar 25, 2009

  • No words can express this...

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eating disorder? what eating disorder?

74 [+ / -]     Feb 25, 2009

  • Tennis Instructor: Do any of you know why it's important have a low BMI?
  • Student: Because it means you're healthier.
  • Tennis Instructor: Well yes... but more importantly, you look better naked.

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they're clearly from another planet, so the answer could be anything

-42 [+ / -]     Feb 23, 2009

  • Technician 1: How many toes are you supposed to have?
  • Technician 2: Uh... seriously?
  • Technician 1: Yes seriously, I haven't counted lately!

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put on a hockey mask

37 [+ / -]     Feb 21, 2009

  • Random girl: So, I mean, a cop pulls you over and finds a thirteen inch machete in your trunk, what are you supposed to do?

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this stem cell research thing has really gotten out of hand

48 [+ / -]     Feb 18, 2009

  • Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason.

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hearing voices doesn't necessarily make you nuts

67 [+ / -]     Feb 17, 2009

  • Religion Professor: I spend most of my time in the ancient world. I don't have TV or Internet. If you need to get in contact with me, meditate and speak with me and we can talk. I also am a compulsive liar because I like telling exciting stories about religion.

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speed dating is a growing trend in college towns

-47 [+ / -]     Feb 13, 2009

  • Female Customer: Do we bring back books here?
  • Male Employee: Yeah, I'll be your friend.
  • Female Employee: Wait, are you returning the books or doing Buy Back?
  • Female Customer: Returns.
  • Male Employee: Oh, I guess we can't be friends anymore.
  • Female Customer: Yeah. I don't love you anymore. It's over.
  • (Customer walk away)

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and thus began uga's synchronized shitting team

62 [+ / -]     Feb 05, 2009

  • Fratty: Hey, have you seen a group of, like, seven guys down here?
  • Student Employee: No, not unless they're all in the bathroom.
  • Fratty: Ah! Okay, thanks.
  • (Fratty walks towards bathroom)

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don't forget to take wind resistance into account

57 [+ / -]     Feb 03, 2009

  • Athlete 1: What is the size of Africa?
  • Athlete 2: It's 200,000 square miles per hour.

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honesty is not always the best policy

74 [+ / -]     Feb 02, 2009

  • Seen at Wal-Mart on the eastside. This economy is really bad...

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turns out it's death by non sequitur

21 [+ / -]     Jan 16, 2009

  • Fratty 1: That projector doesn't look safe. I wouldn't sit under it.
  • Fratty 2: Oh, I'm not. When I'm in a room I go ahead and look around to figure out all the ways the Final Destination movie would try to kill me.
  • Fratty 1: Oh... so did you get with that chick last night?

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the economy is making it tough for people specialized in one field

45 [+ / -]     Jan 16, 2009

  • This add for a job was on the university Dawglink website under off-campus jobs.

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that's one way to get into the HOV lane

27 [+ / -]     Jan 14, 2009

  • The (cat, bunny, mouse?) seat covers of a mini-van.

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as opposed to a non-up-the-butt enema

-70 [+ / -]     Jan 13, 2009

  • Girl 1: So yeah, like I totally had the worst Christmas break ever! My family was driving me crazy and I just wanted to come back and get away!
  • Girl 2: That sucks, mine was pretty great.
  • Girl 1: And to top it all off, the dog was having seizures and we had to give him an enema up his butt. Do you even comprehend how not-fun that was?
  • Girl 2: Damn.

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wonder who insures cheney?

57 [+ / -]     Jan 07, 2009

  • Prince Avenue, Normaltown.

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how's it hanging?

126 [+ / -]     Jan 07, 2009

  • (In the underwear department at Wal-Mart)
  • Redneck Mom: (holding up a pair of panties) How about these?
  • Redneck Daughter: (yelling) My coochie don't hang that low, mama!

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there needs to be a better tie breaker for "not it"

76 [+ / -]     Dec 26, 2008

  • Girl 1: So this drunk homeless guy peed himself in one of the library chairs yesterday.
  • Girl 2: Who cleaned it?
  • Girl 1: No one... they just put a sign on it that said, "Do not sit in this chair."

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desperate times call for desperate measures

134 [+ / -]     Dec 17, 2008

  • Girl 1: So, it's seriously not cheating if your dad is in the hospital detoxing and your boyfriend has a brain tumor?
  • Girl 2: Plus with finals coming up.
  • Girl 1: Exactly.

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#2   you could bottle that kind of crazy

25 [+ / -]     Dec 09, 2008

  • Guy: He had some crazy ass name like John.

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murphy says yes

49 [+ / -]     Dec 08, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Do you think that thing is going to be on the test?
  • Fratty: What thing?
  • Sorostitute: You know, that thing that wasn't in the notes and we didn't cover in class.
  • Fratty: (stares) Yeah.

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we had to google this one... and now our minds are scarred

36 [+ / -]     Dec 01, 2008

  • Found on Lumpkin Street while walking to tailgate in 2007

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clearly another excellent breeding decision

14 [+ / -]     Nov 16, 2008

  • Sorority Girl 1: So all I know is that he is in jail and is waiting to get deported.
  • Sorority Girl 2: Deported? That sucks. How is he going to help with the baby?
  • Sorority Girl 1: Oh. She's not telling him about the baby... that would be way too much drama and she is scared he would try to stay in the country for it... you know... to be a dad.
  • Sorority Girl 2: Yeah. That makes sense. I wouldn't want him around either.

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help! my daisy dukes are altering the space-time continuum!

-9 [+ / -]     Nov 08, 2008

  • half naked african american cross dresser outside of Bourbon Street.

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she was consistently the mvp

62 [+ / -]     Nov 04, 2008

  • there are no words.

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pejorative bigot ISO single gay male that sucks at ping pong

-15 [+ / -]     Oct 25, 2008

  • Can someone PLEASE explain to me WTF this poster is supposed to mean?!

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we don't know what that means, and we probably don't want to

-14 [+ / -]     Oct 22, 2008

  • Notice the "serverd" near the bottom.

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it's no longer hot corner. take it back to the mother ship.

-43 [+ / -]     Oct 21, 2008

  • Crazy guy: I'd like some french fries.
  • Barista: We don't have french fries.
  • Crazy guy: It says it on the menu.
  • Barista: That's french press, as in coffee.
  • Crazy guy: Oh. I'm the world champion, you know. I have a website. I also won a Grammy. Little Elvis they used to call me. Now they call me Big Elvis.
  • Barista: Uh-huh.

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we don't want to know what happens at a bad homecoming

-59 [+ / -]     Oct 19, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Ohmigod, you guys. That was, like, the best homecoming ever.
  • Sorostitute 2: I know!
  • Sorostitute 1: Yeah, my date tried to rape me.

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and to think that some parents have the nerve to expose their kids to poverty and sickness

91 [+ / -]     Oct 16, 2008

  • Girl 1: I really want to protect my children from all the bad things in the world.
  • Girl 2: Yeah, me too.
  • Girl 1: Like, my children will never be allowed to taste mayonnaise.

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ladies and gentlemen, alanis morissette

89 [+ / -]     Oct 15, 2008

  • Girl 1: Where are all the damn squirrels when you need them?
  • Girl 2: What?
  • Girl 1: Don't you ever throw acorns at squirrels when you're in a bad mood?
  • Girl 2: No... do you?
  • Girl 1: Yeah, irony makes me feel better.

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thank god they installed that pregnancy test vending machine by the jittery joe's

128 [+ / -]     Oct 13, 2008

  • (While in the SLC bathroom, Girl 1 is in a stall having a conversation with her friend who is outside the stall)
  • Sorostitute 1: Ohmigod, wait... yes!
  • Sorostitute 2: What?
  • Sorostitute 1: I'm not pregnant!
  • Sorostitute 2: Yay!

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tryouts for the new season of jackass are going well

46 [+ / -]     Oct 12, 2008

  • (While hurriedly walking down Broad Street on a Saturday night)
  • Drunk Fratty 1: You say this guy is the real deal, that he knows what he's doing, but how can we be sure?
  • Drunk Fratty 2: Dude, relax... he's been tasered like eighteen times.

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that's the sort of conviction that launches 1000 ships

-42 [+ / -]     Oct 08, 2008

  • Sorostitute: So, I was totally, like, Helen of Troy in a past life. I was so hot I started a huge war!
  • Guy: So you believe in reincarnation?
  • Sorostitute: Well, no, I don't, so I guess I take all that back.
  • Guy: So you're just dead?
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, I'm just dead.
  • Guy: That's what I thought.

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is that a carrot on the end of a fishing pole?

49 [+ / -]     Sep 28, 2008

  • Woman in the wheelchair was holding a rope, while her 3 friends pulled her uphill. All she needed was a whip, and to scream "faster, you fools!"

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having just stumbled through the desert, bob died just before reaching a frosty

64 [+ / -]     Sep 25, 2008

  • Yep. This guy was passed out drunk at four in the afternoon on a Tuesday in between Wendy's and the St Mary's entrance on Alps. Notice he took his shoes off to make himself more comfortable.

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isn't "mogwai" gaelic for "vajay jay"?

15 [+ / -]     Sep 25, 2008

  • Excited guy on cell: (ordering a PBR while trying to convince his buddy to head on down to the rock show and scope some tail) There is Vajay Jay a-plenty here, don't be a McStupid and get your ass down here.

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the world is not ready for sexy toucan

95 [+ / -]     Sep 25, 2008

  • Preppy Girl 1: What should I be for Halloween? The party theme is the jungle.
  • Preppy Girl 2: How about a toucan?
  • Preppy Girl 1: No... I kinda want to be a nastier, sluttier animal.

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pick me! pick me! huh? what do you mean there's no one there? stupid mask.

2 [+ / -]     Sep 20, 2008

  • Apparently, Walmart had a little "fair" that featured wrestling. This guy is wearing a dollar store wrestling championship belt and an awesome mask.

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discount available for naughty, naughty girls

78 [+ / -]     Sep 12, 2008

  • Saw this under the "general" items section on craigslist and I couldn't think of anything used that people would want to buy more.

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