Quotes Filed Under "Pwn!"


today expect record highs and a 97% chance of keeping it real

4 [+ / -]     Feb 12, 2010

  • (Talking about the upcoming snow)
  • Guy 1: It's not gonna snow enough Monday to get you out of school.
  • Guy 2: Quit being a negative nancy.
  • Guy 1: Son, I'm not a negative nancy, I'm a damn meteorologist, and I'm keepin' it real!

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nah, i'll just look for someone who goes to class less

43 [+ / -]     Jan 07, 2010

  • Drunk Asian Guy: What's up ladies... what you got going on tonight?
  • Drunk Sorostitute: Oh My God! You're totally my TA!
  • Drunk Asian Guy: Damn it!
  • Drunk White Guy: Maybe you should stop teaching.

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think before you sprechen

97 [+ / -]     Oct 21, 2009

  • Girl: Why would anyone want to major in German? No one speaks that! I mean, who speaks German?
  • Guy: (shouting from across the lecture hall): I do, so fuck you!

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this is one test you need to study for

53 [+ / -]     Oct 08, 2009

  • (Two door guys are checking IDs. They look over a guys ID and he launches into an explanation)
  • Drunk Guy: I know, I know... I get this all the time. I lost a lot weight and look completely different then I used to in that photo.
  • Door Guy 1: And I guess you grew about 5 inches, too! Wow.
  • Door Guy 2: Hey, what's your address?
  • Drunk Guy: Somewhere near Powder Springs, right?
  • Door Guy 1: This isn't a guessing game... you need to leave.

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and then we throw them in volcanoes

124 [+ / -]     Oct 07, 2009

  • Girl: Why are all those sorority girls wearing white dresses?
  • Bus Driver: It's bid day. They have to pretend they're virgins.

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is that french?

61 [+ / -]     Oct 05, 2009

  • Drunk guy: So... what's your last name?
  • Sober girl: I'm not having sex with you.
  • Drunk guy: Oh.

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revenge is sweet

148 [+ / -]     Oct 04, 2009

  • (After the LSU game)
  • LSU Fan: Hey, can you tell me how to get to Downtown?
  • Elderly UGA Fan: (pointing towards south campus) Yeah, it's right down that way.

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isn't that a bit hypocritical?

11 [+ / -]     Sep 17, 2009

  • Neon green duct tape covering up an old bumper sticker

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not just for kids anymore

36 [+ / -]     Sep 14, 2009

  • Girl: So I guess I owe you sexual favors now.
  • Guy 1: Your sexual favors aren't worth 20 dollars. They're worth like, maybe a happy meal.
  • Girl: I have nothing else to add to this conversation.
  • Guy 2: Except a happy meal.

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i guess he'll just have to play football

48 [+ / -]     Sep 13, 2009

  • First grader 1: James, do you know everything?
  • (No response from James)
  • First grader 2: No, he can't know everything, he doesn't have glasses.

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someone is giving the freshmen the wrong secret password

55 [+ / -]     Sep 03, 2009

  • (A bus stops at Chemistry)
  • Freshman Girl: Excuse me, where are you going?
  • Bus Driver: Where do you need to go?
  • Freshman Girl: Russell Hall.
  • Bus Driver: Not there.
  • (Driver closes the door in her face)

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extreme makeover: uga edition

49 [+ / -]     Aug 31, 2009

  • TA: And as you can see, Ty Pennington is in this ad.
  • Girl: He went to my high school!
  • TA: He's a douche bag.

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this will really help on game days

40 [+ / -]     Aug 31, 2009

  • Under the words of the sign, someone wrote a suggestion: "Sudafed helps"

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rain rain, go away

-9 [+ / -]     Aug 30, 2009

  • Guy 1: Last night was crazy.
  • Guy 2: Really? Why, what happened?
  • Guy 1: I came home last night, saw my roommate on the futon... so I unzipped and peed all over his head.

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they'll screw you more, too

148 [+ / -]     Aug 12, 2009

  • Drunk Guy: Fucking Charter calls me more than my girlfriend.

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she'll eventually be allowed to go on dates without a chaperone

-39 [+ / -]     Jul 13, 2009

  • Girl on cell: Here's what you're gonna do. Buy your ticket, come in the door, come straight through the lobby, act like you do not know us, and we'll meet up inside.

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the truth does not always set you free

168 [+ / -]     Jul 12, 2009

  • Guy: So, hey, have you met my friend Steven?
  • Steven: Hey, I'm Steven.
  • Girl: I think you need to cut your hair.
  • Steven: I think you need to shut the fuck up.

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the meter maids are getting really serious about that one hour limit

91 [+ / -]     Jun 30, 2009

  • SLUT keyed into someone's car in The Club apartment complex... someone must have had a bad night!

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not what a girl wants

12 [+ / -]     Jun 12, 2009

  • (Two ten year old girls looking at a scandalous picture of Christina Aguilera at Borders)
  • Girl 1: When I get older, I want to dress like that.
  • Girl 2: Whore.

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after all, everyone else is getting a bailout

165 [+ / -]     May 28, 2009

  • Homeless Man: Can I have some change? I just really need some change, man, please, can I have some change?
  • Girl: Obama's got your change!

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no one said anything about sharing with marsupials

-34 [+ / -]     May 25, 2009

  • We were walking down Baxter and noticed this dead possum right beside the "share the road" sign. How convenient.

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...but here's some consolation beads

218 [+ / -]     May 24, 2009

  • Taxi Driver: It's gonna be six dollars.
  • Sorostitute: (flashes driver) How about now?
  • Taxi Driver: Well, now it's gonna be twelve dollars.
  • Sorostitute: You're so mean.

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and he's meeting the doctor for drinks on friday

-26 [+ / -]     May 16, 2009

  • Guy 1: You had to go to a urologist? Damn, what'd he say?
  • Guy 2: He said nothing was wrong. He had to check my balls, though, and... and my prostate.
  • Guy 1: Dude... shit... you're fucking gay now.

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it's good to stay one step ahead

93 [+ / -]     May 14, 2009

  • Girl: (after introducing Guy to another girl) So, she's like the sluttiest girl I know.
  • Guy: Yeah, I already know her.

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and they say young people don't care about the issues

74 [+ / -]     May 07, 2009

  • Sorostitute: Whatever, Obama only got into office because of all those bullshit liberal laws anyway.
  • Employee: Oh yeah? What bullshit laws are those?
  • Sorostitute: You know, like affirmative action.

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two great tastes that go great together

-11 [+ / -]     Apr 23, 2009

  • Sign at the Georgia Theater

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happy anniversary!

13 [+ / -]     Apr 11, 2009

  • (Wife gently brushes a hair off of her husband's shirt)
  • Husband: (turning to wife) I'd probably be in a lot of trouble if I killed you.

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if you can't beat 'em, mug 'em

284 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2009

  • (The door opens at the bottom of a classroom in the middle of a lecture)
  • Voice: I'm going to shit on your face, Brittany G!
  • (Professor looks out door then runs out, chasing after the intruder for two minutes and comes back)
  • Student: What happened?
  • Professor: (puts a wallet on the podium) I took his wallet.
  • (Professor continues on with lecture like nothing happened)

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is it cock blocking if he never stood a chance?

117 [+ / -]     Apr 08, 2009

  • (After a drunk guy tries to grab a girl, her friend steps in)
  • Drunk Guy: You're cock blocking!
  • Girl's Friend: You're ugly!

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you'd think he'd be used to it

105 [+ / -]     Mar 28, 2009

  • (A football player scoots over from his aisle seat to a window seat to let a girl sit down on a crowded Orbit Bus)
  • Girl: Aw, thanks for scootin' over for me!
  • Football Player: Uh, I actually moved over because you obviously forgot to put deodorant on this morning... but you're welcome.

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point / counterpoint

137 [+ / -]     Mar 25, 2009

  • (Drunk Guy and Drunk Girl making out at party)
  • Drunk Girl: I think it would probably be best if we stopped.
  • Drunk Guy: I think it would be best if you gave me head.

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toeing the line

198 [+ / -]     Mar 17, 2009

  • Sorostitute: I liked that last one. That last one looked really nice on me.
  • Gay Dad 1: I don't care how hot you think it looked. The first thing I saw was the camel toe.
  • Sorostitute: Dad, don't say that. That's gross!
  • Gay Dad 2: (to Gay Dad 1) Dear, just because you can see it, doesn't mean you need to say it. (to Sorostitute) I'm sorry, honey, but the camel toe was really prominent.
  • Sorostitute: Stop saying camel toe! If I hear that word one more time, I'm going to lose it!
  • Guy at Next Table: Camel Toe!
  • Sorostitute: Do something, dad!
  • (She storm out, the two gay dads stare at the guy at the next table, then stand up and leave the restaurant)

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#7   an atm with a sense of humor

7 [+ / -]     Mar 12, 2009

  • Guy 1: Wow, this is an old ATM.
  • (A minute later, after using the ATM)
  • (ATM plays song "We're in the Money")
  • Guy 2: Did it really just play "We're in the Money?"
  • Guy 1: Yeah, and it gave me a special surprise, all 10's.

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in this case, it wasn't worth a shot

114 [+ / -]     Mar 06, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: (to Guy) Hey, I need to get laid tonight. Will you buy me a shot?
  • (Guy and Drunk Girl take a shot)
  • Drunk Girl: Okay, thanks!
  • (Drunk Girl walks away)

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that's what you get for partying at officemax

16 [+ / -]     Feb 24, 2009

  • guy passed out on the couch at transmet after the bama game.

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but apparently not the best answer

135 [+ / -]     Feb 24, 2009

  • (Girl in a five-person car with six people is being pulled over)
  • Cop: May I see your license, please?
  • (Girl hands over her license)
  • Cop: This isn't your fake, is it?
  • Girl: (frightened, pulling back license) Oh, no, this is mine.
  • Cop: Do you have your fake with you?
  • Girl: Um, I don't have a fake.
  • Cop: Good answer. Can you step out of the car, please?

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mount up!

106 [+ / -]     Feb 18, 2009

  • (Outside of O-House, two guys are petting a horse)
  • Guy 1: Dude, I've never pet a horse before!
  • Guy 2: I mean, some of the girls you date...

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now she'll definitely remember that appointment

44 [+ / -]     Feb 17, 2009

  • In case you can't tell the entire Trailblazer is covered in Post-It notes.

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she must have gotten up on the evil side of the bed

186 [+ / -]     Feb 12, 2009

  • Girl 1: It was weird, I totally saw a less cute version of you today by the Hull Street parking deck. It was like your evil twin or something.
  • Girl 2: (pauses) Yeah... that was me, actually.

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jill was terrified when she saw it. "bubba can't see this," she screamed.

22 [+ / -]     Feb 10, 2009

  • Car parked in intramural fields. Incase you can't read it, its says "White trash lover" (notice the condoms on the rack). Looks like someone pissed the wrong girl off.

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patterson wrote on your wall

41 [+ / -]     Feb 07, 2009

  • Just in case its unclear:
  • Russ:
    Fuck you
    -Patterson
  • Patterson:
    Try to suck less dick
    -Everyone

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we vote that the cowgirl position be renamed to "the human shield"

223 [+ / -]     Feb 07, 2009

  • Girl 1: So, my boyfriend came home with me for Christmas to meet my parents.
  • Girl 2: How did that go?
  • Girl 1: Well, my Dad got a shotgun for Christmas, and he held it up and told Jack that if he ever caught him fooling around with me, he would shoot him right there. Then Jack said that would be really hard if I was on top!

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billmurraphobia: a fear of insignificant holidays

48 [+ / -]     Feb 04, 2009

  • Italian Teacher: Can someone please explain to me what Groundhog Day is?
  • Sorostitute: It's like all these paparazzi are around this groundhog and everyone makes a big deal about it, and the mayor of the town shows up, and it's supposed to say how cold it's going to be. It's just an excuse for Boondock, Pennsylvania to feel important.

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oh crap... i hear banjos!

165 [+ / -]     Feb 03, 2009

  • Professor: Last wednesday we discussed what a good argument would be for believing that Obama will succeed in office, today it will be the opposite.
  • (Professor waits for hands to go up)
  • Redneck: (eventually raising his hand) Well... he is black.
  • (The entire class looks at him)
  • Redneck: I'm only kidding, for Christ's sake, I was gonna vote for him if he wasn't a liberal... and a Muslim communist extremist.

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admitting you have a problem is the first step

231 [+ / -]     Jan 09, 2009

  • Sorostitute: What made you think my boyfriend wanted to make out with you?
  • Gay Guy: His erection.

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wonder who insures cheney?

57 [+ / -]     Jan 07, 2009

  • Prince Avenue, Normaltown.

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its an olde storey

105 [+ / -]     Jan 07, 2009

  • Woman: (to daughter) I didn't work this hard raising you so you could dress like some whore who done run away from the fucking renaissance fair!

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they may have a won the game, but we make better signs

90 [+ / -]     Jan 01, 2009

  • Found this sign on North Campus. A friend asked what clap was. haha

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wwad: what would an atheist do?

1 [+ / -]     Dec 31, 2008

  • Older Sister: See, life isn't all Transformers and Star Wars light sabers. Look at those poor, ghetto kids.
  • Little Brother: So? That ain't my problem.
  • Older Sister: I don't think Jesus would appreciate that.
  • Older Man in line: I'm sure he didn't appreciate getting crucified either, but what do I know? I'm an atheist.

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but 10 years is such a long time

2 [+ / -]     Dec 31, 2008

  • Girl 1: Look. It's Sleeping Beauty!
  • Girl 2: I'll get that for Christmas. Right now, I wanna watch Iron Man.
  • Girl 1: (pleading) But it's gonna go back in the vault!
  • Girl 2: Are you serious? Children are suffering in Africa, and you're worrying about Sleeping Beauty going back in the Disney vault?

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the same old story

19 [+ / -]     Dec 30, 2008

  • (Two girls are waiting at a bus stop and a junker car pulls up)
  • Sketchy Guy: Hey! Come here!
  • Girl 1: We're waiting for the MARTA bus.
  • Sketchy Guy: I am the MARTA bus!
  • Girl 2: You're a little... small.

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and none of that watered down wine bullshit, either

61 [+ / -]     Dec 09, 2008

  • Church sign seen around 3:30 am while walking home from downtown

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words, not quite from the heart

142 [+ / -]     Dec 02, 2008

  • Girlfriend: Why don't you ever write me romantic poems?
  • Boyfriend: I did, don't you remember that poem I wrote last year?
  • Girlfriend: It doesn't count if it says "twat" in it!

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dirty hands and a dirty mouth

-127 [+ / -]     Nov 19, 2008

  • (Student is reaching for cookies using his hands)
  • Dining hall lady: Use those tongs, use those tongs now.
  • Student: Fuck off.

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get 'em young

17 [+ / -]     Nov 16, 2008

  • (A little girl in a stroller and her mother are passing by a news stand)
  • Little Girl: Look mommy, Obama!
  • (The mother quickly rushes past the news stand)

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it takes a village

58 [+ / -]     Nov 13, 2008

  • Obama Supporter: (Pointing to Obama on the cover of the Red & Black) So, how do you feel about that?
  • McCain Supporter: I don't care. I don't even feel like studying. I'm probably going to have to share my diploma with everyone anyway.

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this is why god gave us ebay

212 [+ / -]     Nov 10, 2008

  • Cashier: (on phone) Yeah, uh huh... sure, sure. Let me place you on hold for just a second, sir, while I go look.
  • (presses button on phone)
  • Cashier: (screaming) Hey! This perv wants to know if we have any inflatable male sex dolls! Do we?
  • Guy on Phone: Um, you put me on speaker phone, not hold. (click)

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this moment brought to you by tara reid

29 [+ / -]     Nov 09, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Aw, sweetie your boob is showing.
  • Sorostitute 2: Nuh-uh!
  • (Sorostitute 2 looks down at exposed breast)
  • Sorostitute 2: Ha, no way!

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whatever happened to the polite "no"?

159 [+ / -]     Nov 06, 2008

  • Girl (to Bus Driver): Can you hold the bus for 30 seconds? My friend is on her way.
  • Bus Driver: She the one walking way back there?
  • Girl: Yeah!
  • (Bus Driver closes door)

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this post brought to you by smart people. and france.

67 [+ / -]     Nov 05, 2008

  • Black Girl: I can't believe I only attract Middle Eastern business men with foot fetishes.
  • Asian Girl: That's not true, what about that guy that worked at the Iranian embassy in D.C.?
  • Black Girl: Sweetie, Iran is the Middle East. You're Asian! Why aren't you smarter?
  • Asian Girl: Wait, is that where Iraq is?
  • Black Girl: For real? Are you for serious?! I need smarter friends. And a croissant.

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