Quotes Filed Under "On the phone"


because nothing sparks philosophical debate like keystone light

47 [+ / -]     Nov 11, 2009

  • Guy on cell: So, there are a few points of Aristotelian philosophy I want to talk to you about.
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: Yeah, I'll pick up the keg.

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they have a name for that type of business arrangement

25 [+ / -]     Aug 29, 2009

  • Girl on cell: Yeah, I talked to these guys and they said they would look around for us.
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: Yeah, but I might have to hook up with one of them for them to actually do it.
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: I know, why does this always happen to us when we try to get IDs?

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she'll eventually be allowed to go on dates without a chaperone

-39 [+ / -]     Jul 13, 2009

  • Girl on cell: Here's what you're gonna do. Buy your ticket, come in the door, come straight through the lobby, act like you do not know us, and we'll meet up inside.

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ah, sportsmanship

-43 [+ / -]     May 15, 2009

  • Football player on cell: Yeah man, I gave her herpes.
  • (pause)
  • Football player on cell: Nah, man, I'm not gonna tell her! She doesn't need to worry about that. She needs to be more worried about getting rid of that baby in her stomach.

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just in time for mother's day

70 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2009

  • Sorostitute on Cell: You know, I should tell him that I can't fill out my shirt so that he'll get me a boob job.
  • (pause)
  • Sorostitute on Cell: No way, Mom! You're getting one? Can we get them together?

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a risky investment in this economy

-54 [+ / -]     Apr 01, 2009

  • Drunk fratty on cell: Man, I just spent $65 downtown tonight.
  • (pause)
  • Drunk fratty on cell: Yeah I'm going to hate myself in the morning.
  • (pause)
  • Drunk fratty on cell: Yeah, really going to hate myself in the morning. I'm broke. The only way it will be worth it is if that girl answers her phone.

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and the dog is in jail

-46 [+ / -]     Mar 31, 2009

  • Woman on cell: I can't go anywhere. He got a DUI, so now my car's in the pound.

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sounds like that's how things are already

81 [+ / -]     Mar 30, 2009

  • Sorostitute on Cell: Why do you want to make our relationship official on Facebook?
  • (pause)
  • Sorostitute on Cell: Wait, so you think I'm going to cheat on you if our relationship is not FBO?
  • (pause)
  • Sorostitute on Cell: You know what I could do? I can make it so that you can see that we're in a relationship, but nobody else can!

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mommy just can't let go of her little girl

88 [+ / -]     Feb 01, 2009

  • Girl on cell: Mom, oh my gosh, I told you... I'm not that girl anymore. I am not a slut anymore! Why can't you understand that?!

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and she probably pronounces it "expresso"

-35 [+ / -]     Jan 20, 2009

  • Girl on cell: Oh my God, I'm at a coffee shop but I don't really like coffee. Wait, does chocolate have any caffeine in it?
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: Oh, good! I think I'll get myself a mocha.

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#12   that's how you know you spelled it right

-4 [+ / -]     Dec 13, 2008

  • high school girl 1: (Sending a text message) How do you spell "cocky?"
  • high school girl 2: C-O-C-Y.
  • high school girl 1: (types it) That looks like "cookie!"
  • high school girl 2: Yeah, it does.

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technology brings people together

238 [+ / -]     Nov 27, 2008

  • Girl on cell: Yes, Mom, I know. Just don't tell Dad I've been taking the pill. He'd fucking kill me.
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: What do you mean I'm on speakerphone!?

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mother knows best

90 [+ / -]     Nov 24, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Yeah, man, I have a date lined up for every day next week. Oh, yeah, well, I already know she's gonna dump me Friday, and I can't do anything about it. Yeah, her friend told me. Well, I was tellin' my mom about it, and she said, "You're in Athens, though! There are way more girls than guys there, and they're all easy! You should just go out and get laid as much as possible, by lots of girls!" So I'm gonna do that.

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looks like the ventriloquism classes are going well

176 [+ / -]     Nov 20, 2008

  • Guy: I give hugs for free!
  • Girl 1: (loudly) Well I give sexual favors for hugs!
  • Girl 2: (at next table) What? No, Mom! That wasn't me talking!

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is that pass / fail?

-35 [+ / -]     Nov 17, 2008

  • Patron: I would like to register.
  • WatchDawg: What are you registering for?
  • Patron: A ride home.

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the ties that bind

-45 [+ / -]     Nov 13, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Hey grandma! I'm about to go to work but I'm filling out info for student loans for when I go to Spain. I need two references and I used mom as the first, and you're next in line, so.... okay, great! How do you spell your first name? S-U-S-A-N. And what's your middle name?

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this is why god gave us ebay

212 [+ / -]     Nov 10, 2008

  • Cashier: (on phone) Yeah, uh huh... sure, sure. Let me place you on hold for just a second, sir, while I go look.
  • (presses button on phone)
  • Cashier: (screaming) Hey! This perv wants to know if we have any inflatable male sex dolls! Do we?
  • Guy on Phone: Um, you put me on speaker phone, not hold. (click)

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this is not a test... i repeat, this is not a test

70 [+ / -]     Nov 07, 2008

  • WatchDawgs guy fielding a call: I'm not a recording... really... you can talk directly to me.

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never trust anyone who can make marzipan from scratch

60 [+ / -]     Nov 05, 2008

  • Girl on Cell: I made some marzipan from scratch yesterday. My roommate said it tasted good, but I think she only flatters me because she's convinced I'd kill her in sleep otherwise. Not like I would. Everyone would think it was me anyway 'cause I'm black. Or crazy. Whateves.

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#19   it certainly gets around

-20 [+ / -]     Oct 20, 2008

  • Kid on cell: So is this weed skank, or what?

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would you like to make it a fatty?

42 [+ / -]     Oct 09, 2008

  • (Guy is talking on his cell phone standing in line ordering a wrap)
  • Guy on cell: Yeah, lemme get some cheese. Yeah dude, alright. So he only sells dimes and quarters, but it's real cheap. And some jalapeños. Okay, that's straight. We'll chill later. Just go buy some.

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isn't "mogwai" gaelic for "vajay jay"?

14 [+ / -]     Sep 25, 2008

  • Excited guy on cell: (ordering a PBR while trying to convince his buddy to head on down to the rock show and scope some tail) There is Vajay Jay a-plenty here, don't be a McStupid and get your ass down here.

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put down the freud and back away

52 [+ / -]     Sep 11, 2008

  • Sorostitute on cell: So, I'm gonna sleep with him in Daddy's bed. Wait, Daddy's gonna be home this weekend.

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after a certain point you should just let them go

152 [+ / -]     Sep 11, 2008

  • Hungover Sorostitute on cell: Hey, is this SandBar? Okay, did you find any panties in the women's bathroom last night?

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i see london, i see france

99 [+ / -]     Sep 04, 2008

  • Girl on cell: (entering crowded elevator) And then he looked at me and said, "Nice panties." I was like, "Ugh, you have a wife. I could get you fired."

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oh, that one!

83 [+ / -]     Sep 04, 2008

  • Girl on cell: Yeah, we're right by the frat house... the one with the white columns.

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there may be better options for getting your abdominal workout

60 [+ / -]     Aug 26, 2008

  • Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, we took a bunch of pledges out last night. They were throwing up in the frat house, they were throwing up on the floor, they were throwing up on the elevator...
  • (pauses)
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, it was really fun.

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wait... we are talking about facebook, right?

17 [+ / -]     Aug 25, 2008

  • (While waiting at the Georgia Center bus stop)
  • Guy on cell: Dude! You've been poking her all day? That means she's been poking you back!

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college is about making the effort to go to class

107 [+ / -]     Aug 21, 2008

  • (Fratty stumbles into a bathroom stall in the Chemistry building on the first day of class)
  • Fratty: (on phone) Dude, can you drag your butt out of bed and check my Oasis to see if I have a class right now? I'm really drunk and I can't remember.
  • (Fratty leaves the bathroom stumbling through the door on the way out)
  • Fratty: Thanks man, guess I'll head to calculus now.

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depends if the wifi can reach that far

68 [+ / -]     Aug 19, 2008

  • Sorostitute on cell: I want to study abroad, but, well... I just don't know. Do you think they'll have international Internet?

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only because she refuses to sleep with you

49 [+ / -]     Jul 30, 2008

  • Guy on cell: And you know what, dude? I don't even think of her as as a stripper, I just think of her as this really hot girl I get to hang out with.

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ironically, his second album is titled "exclusive"

83 [+ / -]     Jul 12, 2008

  • Girl on cell: Look baby, if we just break up for one day it won't be cheating
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: Don't yell at me!
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: Well, what if it was Chris Brown?
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: No, its not.

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those are not mutually exclusive

17 [+ / -]     Jun 28, 2008

  • Woman: (in dressing room on cell) I think this is too small... well, either my titties are too big or this is too small.

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somehow i don't think she'll be the only one

49 [+ / -]     Jun 01, 2008

  • Sorostitute on cell: Hey, are you going to the party tonight?
  • (pause)
  • Sorostitute on cell: Awesome, look for me. I'll be the one on the floor.

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it's always good to diversify your client base

37 [+ / -]     May 23, 2008

  • Cashier: (on phone) Why yes, we do have pink chiffon for homosexuals!

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viagra vs. steroids, round 1, ding!

32 [+ / -]     May 17, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Don't fuck with me! I'm harder than your strongest erection!

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too bad beer goggles don't come with a beer muzzle

-38 [+ / -]     May 13, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Dude, I've been making out with the hottest girl all night!
  • (surrounding group cheers for him)
  • Guy on cell: She's the hottest girl I've ever made out with! We've been all over each other at the Winery. Her tongue was down my throat! I really hope she wants to see me again because she said, "I want to see you again." She had a hot body dude, but even her mind was hot because she could like stop kissing me and we'd look at each other and I could just tell her mind is totally hot!

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it's been even longer since she paused to breathe

81 [+ / -]     May 12, 2008

  • Sorostitute: I really want a muffin because they are so good. But I was on the phone with Momma one time in line here and I told her I was about to get a muffin. She said, "you know what happens to girls who eat muffins right? they get muffin tops." Then I looked over and this, like, huge girl was eating a muffin. So I was like, oh my gosh she's right. I haven't had a muffin in like six months.

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and where the hell did i put that map?

34 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • (Drunk Girl is walking around Russell Hall, talking on cell phone)
  • Drunk Girl on cell: I'm dying! I'm dying!
  • (pause)
  • Drunk Girl on cell: No, I'm walking into Molly O' Sheas right now. Okay, now I'm walking to Sandbar. Yes, see you in a minute.
  • (She walks towards Russell)
  • Drunk Girl on cell:I think, wait, now I'm at sandbar. Help!

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don't ask, don't tell, please don't take my class again

55 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Yeah, I got a D in Chemistry.
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: It's totally awesome because I was failing... I mean, I had a 40 in the class but I totally flirted with the professor and he passed me!
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: Yeah, I wore really short soccer shorts and unbuttoned my shirt to show off my pecs.

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the thirteenth step is always the hardest

35 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • (Guy is talking on his cell phone, wearing a Coors Light shirt and hip waders)
  • Guy on cell: How the hell did you get there?
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: You've got a drinkin' problem!
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: I told you how bad it was when I got my last DUI!
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm gettin' the beer. I'll be there in a few minutes.

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the girls on the bus go round and round

57 [+ / -]     May 03, 2008

  • Girl on phone: Hey... I'm good.
  • (pause)
  • Girl on phone: (whispering) I can't! I'm on the bus.
  • (pause)
  • Girl on phone: (getting louder) I told you! I'm on the bus... I can't!
  • (pause)
  • Girl on phone: Why do you always have to talk about it?
  • (pause)
  • Girl on phone: (yelling) I was screaming, wasn't I? What more do you want?
  • (She hangs up and runs off the bus)
  • Guy: Let me off, I need her number!

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parents have their homework, too

88 [+ / -]     May 02, 2008

  • Girl on Cell: I'm going to the library, mom.
  • (pause)
  • Girl on Cell: No, not the bar. The UGA library. Wait, why do you know about the bar called The Library?

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in a galaxy far far away, fratties invade geekdom

-24 [+ / -]     Apr 28, 2008

  • Fratty 1: (answers cell phone) Hey Obi-Wan!
  • Fratty 2: Isn't that a Star Wars reference?
  • Fratty 3: Yeah, it is.
  • Fratty 2: Wow! He's ballin'!

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good, now that we're agreed...

89 [+ / -]     Apr 26, 2008

  • Girl On Cell: What!? I haven't heard from you in two weeks and you call to tell me you want me to have your babies!?
  • (pause)
  • Girl On Cell: No, no, no. Fuck that and fuck you!
  • Guy: (yelling audibly through the phone) That's what I'm asking you to do!

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college is about managing your extra-curricular activities

12 [+ / -]     Apr 22, 2008

  • Girl on Cell: You would think she would learn to not be such a slut, I mean she's had like three abortions, she can't have any more!

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"...are we still on for that self-help seminar?"

88 [+ / -]     Apr 20, 2008

  • Guy on Cell: Well, I don't like police 'cause my ex-girl left me for a cop.
  • (Pause)
  • Guy on Cell: Yeah, my roommate gets back from rehab today.
  • (Pause)
  • Guy on Cell: Good luck with that whole abortion thing. What are you doing this weekend?

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in court, a text message is called "evidence"

58 [+ / -]     Apr 12, 2008

  • Girl: I'm text flirting with this guy and he said he wants to roofie me.
  • Guy: What?
  • Girl: Yeah, why does he want to take me on a roof anyway?

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which, by the way, is a great place to talk on the phone

159 [+ / -]     Apr 12, 2008

  • Girl on Cell: I couldn't believe he did that... ew, I just heard someone peeing!
  • Voice From Stall: That's cause you're in a bathroom, dumbass.

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which must mean he's a shitty boyfriend

227 [+ / -]     Apr 06, 2008

  • Guy on Cell: Yeah, I finally found out what happened to my boxers the other night when Katie and I got naked at her apartment. She called me the next day and said her cat had buried them in its litter box.

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he'll think it's funny in two months when his heart rate slows back down

303 [+ / -]     Apr 04, 2008

  • Guy on Cell: Yes... yes... I fuckin' said I used one, I use one every time, why don't you ever listen?
  • (pause)
  • Guy on Cell: What?! April fools?! April Fuckin' Fools?! You don't use pregnancy as an April Fuckin' Fool's Day joke!
  • (pause)
  • Guy on Cell: Hell, no it's not funny!
  • (pause)
  • Guy on Cell: Oh yeah? Well, you can laugh your little ass off alone tonight!
  • (Guy hangs up and his phone repeatedly rings, playing "Big Poppa" by Notorious B.I.G.)

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this moment brought to you by hallmark

139 [+ / -]     Apr 04, 2008

  • Sorostitute on Cell: So, I just went out and bought one of those singing cards. Yeah the ones where a song plays when it opens. Anyways, when he sees it I hope he forgives me for sleeping with that guy from last night, 'cause like, I really think I love him.

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that would explain the lack of appetite

242 [+ / -]     Mar 31, 2008

  • Girl on Cell: So all I had for lunch was some Coke and a couple of Milky Way eggs that you gave me in the Easter basket.
  • (pause)
  • Girl on Cell: No mom, not cocaine. Coca Cola. I can't afford weed, much less cocaine.

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let she who is without ugly cast the first stone

23 [+ / -]     Mar 30, 2008

  • Girl on Cell: So I was walking downtown and there was a group of high school kids visiting. This one girl's face was so fuckin' ugly. Like, it was fugly. Like, you would look at her and go, "Is that your face?" Like, it was disgusting. Like, God himself would be ashamed of her ugly. I can't even believe that they let that kind of ugly walk down the street. But yeah, I'll be at church tomorrow, Granpa. Love ya!

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como se dice "dumbass?"

41 [+ / -]     Feb 26, 2008

  • Businessman on cell: What do you call 2 mex... (pauses and looks around) ...icans playing basketball?
  • (pause)
  • Businessman: Juan on Juan!

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can't wait to hear this one

-9 [+ / -]     Feb 14, 2008

  • Girl: Oh my god, I went to the gyno this morning, and the funniest thing happened... (begins to laugh uncontrollably) I'm sorry, give me a second.

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too late

1051 [+ / -]     Feb 09, 2008

  • Sorostitute on cell: Hey! My lucky red thong came through for me! He actually wanted to... hey, let me call you back... I think some people here are listening and I don't want this all over the Internet.

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or to take you for a ride on his spaceship

101 [+ / -]     Feb 07, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Yeah, if you see him tell him to call his mom because a bum found his cell phone in a parking lot. Yeah he's probably going to want money or beer.

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for the phone or the kid?

-22 [+ / -]     Feb 07, 2008

  • (Student's phone rings loudly in lecture)
  • Professor: Aaargggh!
  • (Student quickly shuts off phone)
  • Professor: I need a hammer.

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i have to keep my alcohol tolerance down

59 [+ / -]     Jan 27, 2008

  • Sorostitute on cell: Yeah... I was so hungry in class I started dry heaving. I know! I think I'm going to go home and eat half a bowl of soup.

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"...i might be here a while"

57 [+ / -]     Jan 03, 2008

  • Girl on cell: I'm at the CLC... the Student Learning Center.

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multitasking at its classiest

-4 [+ / -]     Dec 22, 2007

  • Guy on cell: What am I doing right now? I'm peeing.
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: I got my phone in one hand and my dick in the other.
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: I wasn't trying to smart-mouth you.
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: You asked what I was doing and I was a tellin' ya!

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i think the unicorn stickers give it that extra something

-15 [+ / -]     Dec 06, 2007

  • Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, who wants to make a resume? It's so hard, and I don't want anyone to see it. I mean, I like mine, but only because it's pretty like with the italics and the cursive font.

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i want a longer christmas break too, but...

48 [+ / -]     Nov 26, 2007

  • Guy on cell: Hey
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: Oh, that.
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: Well, we got off pretty easy, actually.
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: Yeah, we're allowed to finish this semester but then we can't come back to take classes until next fall.

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that is totally peer pressure... but genius!

49 [+ / -]     Nov 23, 2007

  • Sorostitute 1: Who keeps calling you?
  • Sorostitute 2: This guy I am kind of seeing. I don't really know if I want to see him anymore, though.
  • Sorostitute 3: You should totally answer and totally fuck him tonight.
  • Sorostitute 2: Yeah... I probably will.

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oh, sisterhood

120 [+ / -]     Nov 11, 2007

  • Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, I am so glad you are visiting this weekend!
  • (pause)
  • Sorostitute on cell: No boys allowed in the house.
  • (pause)
  • Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, Sunday works. I guess she'll be at church, so that gives us 2 hours?
  • (pause)
  • Sorostitute on cell: So, where is your girlfriend's house?

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redefining hard earned money

267 [+ / -]     Nov 07, 2007

  • Sorostitute on cell: That stupid dick! I can't believe he called you a whore just because you used to be an escort. I mean everyone has sex, I think if more people got money plus sex the world would be a happier place.
  • (pause)
  • Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, I remembered to pay rent, mom. Love you too!

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because the olive garden is black tie only

79 [+ / -]     Nov 07, 2007

  • Girl on cell: You're wearing what? Overalls? Honey, you can't wear overalls to dinner with your family!
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: Oh, well, that's true... I mean, it's not like you are going to the Olive Garden or anything.

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college is about learning by example

64 [+ / -]     Oct 31, 2007

  • Drunk guy on cell: Dude, they have pitchers of booze here for like 8 bucks.
  • (pause)
  • Drunk guy on cell: No, I don't know where the fuck I'm at. (yells) Does anyone know where I am?
  • (pause)
  • Drunk guy on cell: Yeah dude I'm right here, where I'm at... just keep walking around till you find me.
  • (pause)
  • Drunk guy on cell: Fuck no, I'm not walking outside to see the name... I saw some chick get a ticket for that.

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it's clearly not an exact science

-40 [+ / -]     Oct 26, 2007

  • Drunk guy on cell: I think I just peed on myself. I'm not gonna know until I get home and smell it, but I whipped my dick out and I think it sprayed the wrong way.

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how to succeed in business

114 [+ / -]     Oct 17, 2007

  • Gay dude on cell: If you don't feed me, fuck me, or finace me you are not going to tell me what to do.

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wet dreams

-9 [+ / -]     Oct 12, 2007

  • Guy on cell: Yeah, I got so hammered that they had to carry me out of the bar. And apparently I wet myself, like all in my bed. Which sucks because now I have to wash my sheets.
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: No, only when I'm really shit-faced.

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a good old fashioned snipe hunt

40 [+ / -]     Oct 02, 2007

  • Girl on cell: (looking at bottled water) Yeah, I'm looking, but I can't find any diet club soda.

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real men separate their own colors and whites

151 [+ / -]     Sep 20, 2007

  • Freshman: (on cell) I just think it's fucking funny how you and Dad still treat me like I'm a kid. I'm 18 years old!
  • (pause)
  • Freshman: Yeah, I'll be home this weekend. I'm bringing my clothes, so you can wash them for me.

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vampires get stuck with all of the extra fees

86 [+ / -]     Sep 05, 2007

  • Bookstore employee: I have a professor on the phone who wants to know if we can ship him the graduation regalia.
  • Manager: Where is he?
  • Employee: At his office in the Chemisty building.
  • Manager: Tell him he'll have to pay the overnight shipping fee if he wants it for graduation, otherwise he's going to have to come out into real world and get it himself.

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she's the one sitting in the middle of the floor

-32 [+ / -]     May 24, 2007

  • On cashier's walkie-talkie: Attention Target associates. We have a guest that has lost her walking cane in the store. Please be on the lookout for a walking cane.

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i'm really trying to go places... like toppers, for example

82 [+ / -]     May 03, 2007

  • (9pm during finals)
  • Sorostitute on cell: I mean, finals are really such a good opportunity. During the year, I have all these, you know, like, ambitions. But there's all these socials. But during finals, I can really fulfill my ambitions. Like, I studied for two hours tonight!

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stop yelling, dad!

139 [+ / -]     Apr 24, 2007

  • Fratty on cell: (yelling) You told me you were on birth control! That's why I didn't use a condom!

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proof that guys can fake it, too

209 [+ / -]     Apr 12, 2007

  • Drunk guy: (yelling into cell) Do not bother with the test! You are not pregnant. I did not ejaculate that night!

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her name must be simile

37 [+ / -]     Mar 16, 2007

  • Girl on phone: So like, in class it's like, no one will like, say anything like, smart, you know?

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when I was 5, I wanted to be rambo

78 [+ / -]     Mar 11, 2007

  • Grandmother on phone: My grandson wants to be a vet so I would like to know how much tuition is. He's five years old.
  • Employee: Ma'am, I cant tell you how much tuition is going to be in 15 years!
  • Grandmother: Well, can you tell me who his advisor will be so I can just ask them?

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the two day work week: secret of the american dream

50 [+ / -]     Mar 07, 2007

  • Girl on cell: My parents think I party too much, but I don't. I only go out like, three times during the week, and not on Monday or Tuesday.

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sometimes you just have to humor them

153 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2007

  • Girl on phone, interrupted: Gah! Stupid freshman! I know your penis is small, you don't have to honk the horn of your big ass SUV to prove it to me!

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something tells me this wasn't in the dr. spock parenting book

1187 [+ / -]     Mar 01, 2007

  • Girl on cell: I don't see sleeping with her boyfriend as a bad thing. He said he didn't even like her anyways, so whatever, let people call me a slut. Ok mom, I love you too.

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what would freud say?

47 [+ / -]     Feb 15, 2007

  • Girl on cell: It's the building behind Adderall Hall.

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oh, the irony

72 [+ / -]     Jan 18, 2007

  • Girl on cell: (really loudly) Have you ever realized like how many people are walking around campus on their cell phones? Yeah, I think people must be afraid to be alone with themselves.

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i love you too, honey

73 [+ / -]     Dec 27, 2006

  • Girl on cell: Hello?
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: Yes this is Holly.
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: I'm sorry, who's this?
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: Oh, hi mom. My Caller ID's messed up.

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you thought you were desperate for an A

159 [+ / -]     Dec 16, 2006

  • (Sorostitute is staring at vending machine)
  • Sorostitute: (on cell phone) They don't have it, I've checked every floor.
  • Student: Were you looking for something?
  • Sorostitute: All my friends have been buying Adderall for finals and I think they are sold out.

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friends like that are hard to come by

95 [+ / -]     Dec 08, 2006

  • Sorostitute on cell: Thats ok... I don't even remember my semi-formal. I just remember waking up and being all sweaty, and my heart was beating real fast, and I couldn't breath too good... so I went and asked my sorority sister what happened, and she said, "Oh... you were passing out at dinner... so we gave a handful of Adderall."

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clearly she had it coming

73 [+ / -]     Nov 30, 2006

  • Fratty on cell: I mean, she could have been more grateful. I drove all the way up to Charlotte to break up with her when I could have just as easily done it on the phone.

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a clear indication

-37 [+ / -]     Nov 18, 2006

  • Sorostitute (on cell): I had two shots of burbon, 3 beers, a Redbull, and then 8 more shots, thats not too much is it? Well, apparently it is because I passed out, and I woke up in some guy's room!

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oia salutes uga vs mississippi sate

63 [+ / -]     Oct 21, 2006

  • Freshman on cell: Wait, where are you? Between the bands? Ok... I think I see you! Is someone in a red shirt sitting in front of you?

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then she flushed him down the toilet

56 [+ / -]     Oct 20, 2006

  • Girl on cell: (discussing recent breakup) It feels like my goldfish just died, like I don't really care.

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inspector clouseau would be so proud

-21 [+ / -]     Oct 18, 2006

  • Girl on cell: Are you going to the party? Well, I'm gonna go as the Pink Panther. I saw this corset at Victoria's Secret that I wanna wear, and then I'll wear some stilettos and a tail. And I figure I'll paint my nose pink.

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jack-OH!-lantern

-9 [+ / -]     Oct 04, 2006

  • Girl on cell: Pumpkin makes me horny.

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oia salutes uga vs ole miss

-26 [+ / -]     Sep 30, 2006

  • Guy on cell: Dude, where are you? I'm beside the hedges.

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college is about priorities

289 [+ / -]     Sep 29, 2006

  • Fratty: I need an appointment for the writing center.
  • Reference desk helper: The only time available tonight is 9:45, but monday is available.
  • Fratty: Well, my paper is due tomorrow... hang on.
  • (Fratty calls someone on cell phone)
  • Fratty: What time are we going downtown?

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the shallow water of my heart runs deep for you

37 [+ / -]     Sep 10, 2006

  • Sorostitute on cell: Like, how many times do I have to tell you?! I totally would not be with you if you were ugly. Duh.

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not if her parents taught her to share

72 [+ / -]     Aug 29, 2006

  • Sorostitute on cell: I mean, would it hurt your feelings if I were to do him?

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for ru paul?

24 [+ / -]     Jun 09, 2006

  • Fratty on cell: Do you have a black dress I can borrow? (pauses) It's for a funeral.

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take your iq, put a dollar sign in front

44 [+ / -]     May 24, 2006

  • Guy on cell w/ Papa John's: Yeah, how much is a ten dollar pizza?

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can we work this out while i work this out?

290 [+ / -]     May 07, 2006

  • Sorostitute on cell: Hey. Oh. You saw it? Baby... baby. BABY! Don't be a bastard. I just took it off Facebook. That's all. We can still be boyfriend and girlfriend. I just don't want my sorority sisters to know. Baaaaby. Baby don't be a jackass. Well, I have to shit. Bye.

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