Quotes Filed Under "Hooking up"


one size fits all

34 [+ / -]     Mar 04, 2010

  • Girl 1: I use NuvaRing.
  • Girl 2: Oh, really? Can you feel it? Is it hard to insert?
  • Girl 1: No, but during sex, it's the perfect size to get wrapped around a penis. A guy pulled it out once and asked me if it was important.

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forgive me father, for i have sinned

11 [+ / -]     Mar 03, 2010

  • Girl 1: She told me she wanted to save it for marriage.
  • Girl 2: Doesn't she know she can just repent?

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i can't wait to get old

15 [+ / -]     Jan 30, 2010

  • Teacher: There is a higher rate of STDs in retirement communities. The average ratio of women to men is 7 to 1. I mean, come on, are you going to care if you wear a condom when you're 70?

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either that or a complimentary tramp stamp

21 [+ / -]     Jan 29, 2010

  • Girl 1: So, weird dream last night. Her boyfriend was checking me out, we got really trashed and had sex.
  • Girl 2: That wasn't a dream. Expect a round of applause next time you go to that tattoo parlor.

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what an asshole

92 [+ / -]     Jan 26, 2010

  • Girl: Please?
  • Guy: No.
  • Girl: Please?
  • Guy: No.
  • Girl: What if...
  • Guy: No, dammit, no!
  • Girl: You are the worst boyfriend ever. You watch chick flicks and take me out to dinner, but the minute I want to try anal...
  • Guy: For God's sake, shut up!

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is this the male-to-male version of date rape?

15 [+ / -]     Jan 19, 2010

  • Fratty 1: We were so drunk, I'm pretty sure we grabbed each others' dick!
  • Fratty 2: I don't know...
  • Fratty 1: And I'm pretty sure we all had a good time!

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science majors do it virtually

-16 [+ / -]     Jan 15, 2010

  • Fratty 1: So Jena and Stephen are having sex in their fort tonight.
  • Fratty 2: (laughs) Really?
  • Fratty 1: Well, they're just simulating it.

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when she lent him a notebook in class he knew he had a shot

-28 [+ / -]     Jan 13, 2010

  • Hungover Guy 1: Hey you guys, last night was crazy.
  • Hungover Guy 2: Dude, why'd you hook up with Hannah last night?
  • Hungover Guy 1: Wait, what? What are you talking about, man?
  • Hungover Guy 2: Yeah dude, you called her your five-star bitch.

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broken defroster or lesbian walk of shame?

-26 [+ / -]     Jan 01, 2010

  • (Two girls are getting out of a steamy car and start walking back towards the dorm)
  • Girl 1: Don't you think people will find it intriguing that two girls are coming out of a steamy car?
  • (Girl 2 starts walking away from Girl 1 with her head towards the ground)

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baby steps

33 [+ / -]     Dec 08, 2009

  • Sorostitute 1: Are you trying to give me a high five?
  • Sorostitute 2: No. You asked me how many guys with girlfriends I hooked up with and I was showing you because I didn't want to say it out loud.
  • Sorostitute 1: Oh. Well, that's not as bad as last semester. You're improving.

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who says romance is dead?

35 [+ / -]     Nov 30, 2009

  • Drunk Guy 1: I totally rubbed my boner on that girl's thigh!
  • Drunk Guy 2: What did she say?
  • Drunk Guy 1: She looked at me and smiled!

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note to self... go camping more often

92 [+ / -]     Nov 04, 2009

  • Guy 1: What's that mark on your neck?
  • Guy 2: Poison Ivy.
  • Guy 1: It looks like a hickey.
  • Guy 2: It is. The girl was dressed like Poison Ivy.

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...and my butt is still sore

-1 [+ / -]     Oct 29, 2009

  • Guy: I think I got roofied one time. It was at Bluepointe. Next thing I knew, I woke up at this chick's place and she was all like "Are you okay? I think you drank a roofied drink that was meant for me." It was the worst hangover ever.

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the pleasure is all mine

42 [+ / -]     Oct 18, 2009

  • Shopping really IS a pleasure on this aisle.

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how about "purell"?

7 [+ / -]     Oct 11, 2009

  • (While doing the Damn Show crossword puzzle)
  • Guy 1: A stripper's investment...hmm.
  • Guy 2: Would that be "vagina"?

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good work, smith

51 [+ / -]     Oct 11, 2009

  • Sorostitute 1: John was really sweet and nice.
  • Sorostitute 2: You had sex with him last night, didn't you?
  • Sorostitute 1: So?
  • Sorostitute 2: You slut... What was his last name?
  • Sorostitute 1: Smith.
  • Sorostitute 2: What?! I had lunch with him yesterday! We had sex!

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felines all around, it appears

-11 [+ / -]     Oct 08, 2009

  • Sorostitute: Want to see my Hello Kitty tattoo? I got it at Dawgs After Dark!
  • (Sorostitute pulls shirt up to reveal Hello Kitty tattoo)
  • Fratty: Oh, sweet. I love Dawgs After Dark.
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, it was great. Plus Kathryn met her wild sex panther lover there, too!

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some people just can't recognize a good opportunity

22 [+ / -]     Oct 07, 2009

  • Drunk guy: I just wanna stay in this room.
  • Drunk girl: No, I really wanna fuck... and you are coming with me.

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the rest just kind of falls into place

61 [+ / -]     Sep 17, 2009

  • Girl: How do you meet people?
  • Guy: Well, I like alcohol and premarital sex.

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not just for kids anymore

36 [+ / -]     Sep 14, 2009

  • Girl: So I guess I owe you sexual favors now.
  • Guy 1: Your sexual favors aren't worth 20 dollars. They're worth like, maybe a happy meal.
  • Girl: I have nothing else to add to this conversation.
  • Guy 2: Except a happy meal.

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your place or mine?

46 [+ / -]     Sep 13, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: I can't believe I hooked up with him.
  • Drunker Girl: Don't worry, I've hooked up with a homeless man.

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one thing that will never get outsourced to china

35 [+ / -]     Sep 09, 2009

  • Professor: Some things are still produced at home. Kids, for example.

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ah, to be young and in love

-34 [+ / -]     Sep 07, 2009

  • 16-year-old Girl 1: Ohmigod! Could you imagine fucking in these heels? Hot.
  • 16-year-old Girl 2: (gets a text) Ohmigod! Do you know who he was cheating on me with?
  • 16-year-old Girl 1: Who?
  • 16-year-old Girl 2: A fucking 12-year-old! Asshole!

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have you had your break today?

8 [+ / -]     Aug 05, 2009

  • Drunk girl: Would you rather pay $1.89 first thing in the morning for an Egg McMuffin or pussy?
  • Drunk guy 1: Am I in love with the girl?
  • Drunk guy 2: Well, I if I had to choose between a McGriddle and a blow job first thing in the morning, the McGriddle wins every time.
  • Drunk guy 1: That's like a trick question.
  • Drunk guy 2: Dude, have you had a McGriddle?

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ufo sightings?

16 [+ / -]     Jul 07, 2009

  • Register Girl 1: So how about you? Anywhere weird?
  • Register Girl 2: Yeah, one time in the car outside Gresham's Disco.

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that's how you know you're in georgia

-48 [+ / -]     Jun 21, 2009

  • (A girl is giving another girl a piggyback ride)
  • Guy: Ew, look at those lesbians.
  • Girl: Yeah, and we're sisters, too.
  • Guy: Kinky.

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ah, sportsmanship

-43 [+ / -]     May 15, 2009

  • Football player on cell: Yeah man, I gave her herpes.
  • (pause)
  • Football player on cell: Nah, man, I'm not gonna tell her! She doesn't need to worry about that. She needs to be more worried about getting rid of that baby in her stomach.

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it's good to stay one step ahead

93 [+ / -]     May 14, 2009

  • Girl: (after introducing Guy to another girl) So, she's like the sluttiest girl I know.
  • Guy: Yeah, I already know her.

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they make pills for that

8 [+ / -]     May 12, 2009

  • Drunk girl: Did you say there's an open side of the bed?
  • Guy: yes?
  • Sober girl: She'll just end up laying on top of you.
  • Guy: I've been trying to get you to lay on me for four years.
  • Drunk girl: You haven't tried very hard.

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...but we didn't shake hands

72 [+ / -]     May 04, 2009

  • Fratty 1: Who're you going with to the formal?
  • Fratty 2: Jill.
  • Fratty 1: I don't know her.
  • Fratty 2: Yeah, you actually walked in on us once.
  • Fratty 1: Oh right, I have met her.

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if you're lucky

-50 [+ / -]     Apr 17, 2009

  • Fratty: Sex? Isn't that spread orally?

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not what they mean by women's studies

199 [+ / -]     Apr 05, 2009

  • (In the library at 1:00 am)
  • Guy 1: (walking in) So dude, where are we on the project?
  • Guy 2: Nowhere. I've spent the last two hours constructing a flow chart on how to get into the pants of the girl at the table next to me.

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a risky investment in this economy

-54 [+ / -]     Apr 01, 2009

  • Drunk fratty on cell: Man, I just spent $65 downtown tonight.
  • (pause)
  • Drunk fratty on cell: Yeah I'm going to hate myself in the morning.
  • (pause)
  • Drunk fratty on cell: Yeah, really going to hate myself in the morning. I'm broke. The only way it will be worth it is if that girl answers her phone.

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point / counterpoint

137 [+ / -]     Mar 25, 2009

  • (Drunk Guy and Drunk Girl making out at party)
  • Drunk Girl: I think it would probably be best if we stopped.
  • Drunk Guy: I think it would be best if you gave me head.

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wouldn't it be better to have 12 girls who know what they're doing?

83 [+ / -]     Mar 10, 2009

  • Guy 1: Suicide bombers are dumb. Why would you do that?
  • Guy 2: Well, if you really get 12 virgins...
  • Guy 1: Yeah, but you could just come to Athens and get twice that many! Well, I don't know about virgins.

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in this case, it wasn't worth a shot

114 [+ / -]     Mar 06, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: (to Guy) Hey, I need to get laid tonight. Will you buy me a shot?
  • (Guy and Drunk Girl take a shot)
  • Drunk Girl: Okay, thanks!
  • (Drunk Girl walks away)

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someone was a bit too drunk on valentine's day

35 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2009

  • Guy: So, have you seen my new tattoo?
  • Girl: No! (looks at tattoo) I like it, what does it mean?
  • Guy: I'm not sure - either "love" or "free sex."

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friends with more than one benefit

134 [+ / -]     Mar 03, 2009

  • Guy 1: Man, I could really go for a hot French chick right now.
  • Guy 2: Why French?
  • Guy 1: Because after the sex, she could help me study for the midterm.

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...to try to figure out how to erase the mental image

70 [+ / -]     Feb 26, 2009

  • Girl: So we were at Thanksgiving Dinner and my grandma looks up and says, "My vagina burns!" Then she went on to complain about how she thought my grandpa was cheating on her and gave her some STD or something. All the kids got up and left the table.

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the likelihood of a credit card scam is about the same either way

24 [+ / -]     Feb 25, 2009

  • Fantasy World on Baxter.

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we call that "opportunity management"

103 [+ / -]     Feb 24, 2009

  • Fratty: It's not really hit it and quit it. It's more like hit it, hit it, keep hitting it for a month... then quit it.

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that doesn't seem to be the only problem

40 [+ / -]     Feb 19, 2009

  • Girl: I'm a lesbian and he's a gay man. We're obviously each others' soulmates... he just needs to realize he likes vagina.

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one out of two ain't bad

93 [+ / -]     Feb 14, 2009

  • Guy 1: I don't understand Valentine's Day, but I'll tell you what holiday I like. March 14th is Steak and BJ Day.
  • Guy 2: See, I can support a holiday like that.
  • Girl: I really don't like Valentine's either. I found out my boyfriend got me a present, now I have to get him something.
  • Guy 1: Just tell him you'll get him something for March 14th.
  • Girl: That won't work, I can't grill.

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maybe they'll park together on their next date

59 [+ / -]     Feb 13, 2009

  • Sorostitute 1: So I let him take off my shirt and bra, but I wasn't going to let him touch me. Didn't want him thinking I was easy.
  • Sorostitute 2: Yeah, that's a really good place to stop, can't let it go too far. He might want something more than just a look.

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sure, pull-ups, that's what they were gonna try

9 [+ / -]     Feb 11, 2009

  • (Couple gets on the bus)
  • Drunk Guy: So you think that the bus would be a good place to have some fun?
  • Drunk Girl: I'm not sure I could hold myself up that long.
  • Drunk Guy: Well let's try, I mean the bus driver isn't paying attention.
  • Driver: Umm, I don't really want to see her doing pull-ups on this bus.

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we vote that the cowgirl position be renamed to "the human shield"

223 [+ / -]     Feb 07, 2009

  • Girl 1: So, my boyfriend came home with me for Christmas to meet my parents.
  • Girl 2: How did that go?
  • Girl 1: Well, my Dad got a shotgun for Christmas, and he held it up and told Jack that if he ever caught him fooling around with me, he would shoot him right there. Then Jack said that would be really hard if I was on top!

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#3   i see what you did there...

21 [+ / -]     Feb 03, 2009

  • Guy 1: Gravity, a cruel and unpredictable mistress.
  • Guy 2: But she always goes down on you?

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it's relative to how good at it they were before

19 [+ / -]     Feb 03, 2009

  • Hipster guy 1: Dude I'm tellin' you, I'm so excited, I read it on the Internet.
  • Hipster guy 2: Dude, what?
  • Hipster guy 1: It said vegetarians have better sex! I'm so excited!

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how about a trip to the clinic for each one?

93 [+ / -]     Jan 29, 2009

  • Indie girl: I think I'm going to have to stop that policy about getting a tattoo for everyone I sleep with.
  • Guy: You could move to piercings.
  • Indie girl: Already doing that.
  • Guy: Or not count girls.

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is it friday night already?

33 [+ / -]     Jan 23, 2009

  • (After a failed keg stand)
  • Guy 1: You have to put it all the way in your mouth!
  • Guy 2: Only if you're pumping it while I do it!

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...or start betting the other way

100 [+ / -]     Jan 23, 2009

  • Girl 1: I am not going home with him, I will bet you ten dollars.
  • Girl 2: Okay!
  • (She comes back five minutes later and hands both of them a ten dollar bill)
  • Girl 1: I'll call you in the morning to let you know I'm still alive!
  • Girl 2: (to Girl 3) She should just stop betting us.

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please stand behind the yellow line and keep everything in your pants

339 [+ / -]     Jan 18, 2009

  • Girl: No! I'm not going to do that on a bus.
  • Guy: Come on, no one is on the bus.
  • Girl: I'm not going down on you here. What about the driver?
  • Guy: He can't hear or see us where we are sitting.
  • Bus Driver: I can hear and see you.

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turns out it's death by non sequitur

21 [+ / -]     Jan 16, 2009

  • Fratty 1: That projector doesn't look safe. I wouldn't sit under it.
  • Fratty 2: Oh, I'm not. When I'm in a room I go ahead and look around to figure out all the ways the Final Destination movie would try to kill me.
  • Fratty 1: Oh... so did you get with that chick last night?

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his odds improve the further south he goes

132 [+ / -]     Jan 12, 2009

  • Old guy: So is this your boyfriend?
  • Girl: No. This is my best friend.
  • Guy: Yeah. She's like my cousin. And I only say cousin because there's still that chance we could fuck.

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admitting you have a problem is the first step

231 [+ / -]     Jan 09, 2009

  • Sorostitute: What made you think my boyfriend wanted to make out with you?
  • Gay Guy: His erection.

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to be or not to be, that is the motherfucking question

-74 [+ / -]     Jan 04, 2009

  • Guy 1: This motherfucker right here...
  • Guy 2: I've never fucked a mother. To my knowledge.
  • Guy 1: To your knowledge.

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being the fill-in is a tough job, but someone's gotta do it

73 [+ / -]     Jan 02, 2009

  • (On New Year's Eve)
  • Gay Guy: Since we're the only single ones here, we have to kiss at midnight.
  • Straight Girl: Sounds good.
  • Gay Guy: Unless I find a hot guy in the next fifteen minutes, then you're out.

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desperate times call for desperate measures

134 [+ / -]     Dec 17, 2008

  • Girl 1: So, it's seriously not cheating if your dad is in the hospital detoxing and your boyfriend has a brain tumor?
  • Girl 2: Plus with finals coming up.
  • Girl 1: Exactly.

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i don't think his required as much preparation

-53 [+ / -]     Dec 13, 2008

  • Straight Guy: After this test I have an oral exam in Spanish.
  • Gay Guy: Oh, I had an oral this morning, too. It was good!

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during the commercials, of course

116 [+ / -]     Dec 11, 2008

  • Girl 1: So how did that study session with that guy go last night?
  • Girl 2: I went to his place, he took a couple of hits off a huge bong, we fucked, and then watched the Boondock Saints.
  • Girl 1: Nice!
  • Girl 3: So when did you study?

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at least she's willing to share

73 [+ / -]     Nov 28, 2008

  • Girl 1: Ohmigod, he totally felt me up!
  • Girl 2: Shut up, when?
  • Girl 1: Yesterday. We were taking a picture together and he grabbed my ass. I was like, yeah! Finally, Lucas!
  • Girl 2: Did anything else happen!?
  • GIrl 1: Well, I kind of think he felt up Julia later on, but I don't even care!
  • Girl 2: Yeah, seriously!

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technology brings people together

238 [+ / -]     Nov 27, 2008

  • Girl on cell: Yes, Mom, I know. Just don't tell Dad I've been taking the pill. He'd fucking kill me.
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: What do you mean I'm on speakerphone!?

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mother knows best

90 [+ / -]     Nov 24, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Yeah, man, I have a date lined up for every day next week. Oh, yeah, well, I already know she's gonna dump me Friday, and I can't do anything about it. Yeah, her friend told me. Well, I was tellin' my mom about it, and she said, "You're in Athens, though! There are way more girls than guys there, and they're all easy! You should just go out and get laid as much as possible, by lots of girls!" So I'm gonna do that.

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because i was wondering if you could give me his number

81 [+ / -]     Nov 18, 2008

  • Sorostitute: (to roommate) So, you still dating that guy I hooked up with?

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google officially replaces dog as man's best friend

8 [+ / -]     Nov 17, 2008

  • Girl: (walking with two guys) I did look up "blow-job how to."

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clearly another excellent breeding decision

14 [+ / -]     Nov 16, 2008

  • Sorority Girl 1: So all I know is that he is in jail and is waiting to get deported.
  • Sorority Girl 2: Deported? That sucks. How is he going to help with the baby?
  • Sorority Girl 1: Oh. She's not telling him about the baby... that would be way too much drama and she is scared he would try to stay in the country for it... you know... to be a dad.
  • Sorority Girl 2: Yeah. That makes sense. I wouldn't want him around either.

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escher gets laid

28 [+ / -]     Nov 12, 2008

  • Guy 1: Dude your girlfriend sucks and she has tiny carny hands.
  • Guy 2: Yeah but her hands make "it" look big.
  • Guy 1: Big?
  • Guy 2: I mean huge!

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master one skill before moving on to another, grasshopper

190 [+ / -]     Nov 11, 2008

  • Guy: Why won't you just take it up the butt?
  • Girl: I already take it from the front and don't get anything out of it. Why add another dimension?

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i don't think he'll mind either way

60 [+ / -]     Oct 29, 2008

  • Girl 1: What about Peter? How's he getting home?
  • Girl 2: Yeah, call Peter. Cause I want to fuck the shit outta him... and not in a bad way.

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we don't want to know what happens at a bad homecoming

-59 [+ / -]     Oct 19, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Ohmigod, you guys. That was, like, the best homecoming ever.
  • Sorostitute 2: I know!
  • Sorostitute 1: Yeah, my date tried to rape me.

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good thing UGA just added that new MRS program

67 [+ / -]     Oct 09, 2008

  • Girl 1: What's your major?
  • Girl 2: Chemistry, but not for long. I want to do something easy.
  • Girl 1: Like what?
  • Girl 2: I want to marry a rich KA, and make him lots of beautiful babies. That's all I really want to do.

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lately he just asks for the usual

247 [+ / -]     Oct 06, 2008

  • (On a late Sunday morning)
  • Guy: We would like one Plan B pill, please.
  • Pharmacist Guy: Here you go.
  • Guy: Hmmm, the price has gone up like fifteen bucks.
  • (Pharmacist guy's eyes go wide. Girl turns to Guy with equally wide eyes.)
  • Girl: Uh...
  • Guy: Yeah, that sounded bad.
  • Pharmacist guy: Soooo, this is like a regular post-date thing for you?

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they’re always hiring congressional aides

105 [+ / -]     Sep 30, 2008

  • (Leaving a career fair)
  • Girl 1: Man, I wish you could just sleep with someone to get a job.
  • Girl 2: Yeah, I'd pretty much do anything.
  • Girl 1: And at least that's something we're actually good at.

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we call that "party girl roulette"

48 [+ / -]     Sep 28, 2008

  • Girl 1: So your friend is a total slut?
  • Girl 2: Yeah, I have no idea how many STD's she has. I never drink after her.

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put down the freud and back away

52 [+ / -]     Sep 11, 2008