the latest from the red and black

#11 insert joke about cutting the cheese here

-2 [+ / -] Nov 20, 2009

(After returning home from the grocery store)
Sorostitute 1: Where is the Velveta?
Sorostitute 2: Oh, that's why I was in the cheese isle.

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#9 traffic cones have that effect on us, too

0 [+ / -] Aug 27, 2009

Sorostitute 1: Yeah, it was orange, like orange... it was really orange... y'know?
Sorostitute 2: Ugh, yeah! I know what you mean!

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#7 an atm with a sense of humor

7 [+ / -] Mar 12, 2009

Guy 1: Wow, this is an old ATM.
(A minute later, after using the ATM)
(ATM plays song "We're in the Money")
Guy 2: Did it really just play "We're in the Money?"
Guy 1: Yeah, and it gave me a special surprise, all 10's.

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#6 let's hope it wasn't an english assignment

10 [+ / -] Feb 19, 2009

Guy 1: I'm not slow, I'm just less speedier than everybody else.
Guy 2: Less speedier. I think that explains everything right there.

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#3 i see what you did there...

21 [+ / -] Feb 03, 2009

Guy 1: Gravity, a cruel and unpredictable mistress.
Guy 2: But she always goes down on you?

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#12 that's how you know you spelled it right

-4 [+ / -] Dec 13, 2008

high school girl 1: (Sending a text message) How do you spell "cocky?"
high school girl 2: C-O-C-Y.
high school girl 1: (types it) That looks like "cookie!"
high school girl 2: Yeah, it does.

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#2 you could bottle that kind of crazy

25 [+ / -] Dec 09, 2008

Guy: He had some crazy ass name like John.

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#16 there's no place like home

-13 [+ / -] Nov 23, 2008

Employee Guy 1: (makes loud groaning noise) That's Chewbacca.
Employee Guy 2: Ain't that that guy from Wizard of Oz? You sound just like 'im!

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#5 what happens when the change is $4.20?

12 [+ / -] Nov 19, 2008

Redneck Clerk: $17.92 is your total. In 1792, Columbus sailed the ocean blue!

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#18 if it's on the internet, it must be true

-14 [+ / -] Nov 05, 2008

Guy 1: I've done a lot of research on it.
Guy 2: Research... Wikipedia.

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#19 it certainly gets around

-20 [+ / -] Oct 20, 2008

Kid on cell: So is this weed skank, or what?

Science Concourse

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#15 a delayed reaction is better than nothing

-9 [+ / -] Oct 16, 2008

Guy 1: How do you spell regular?
Guy 2: (Sarcastically) R-E-G-U-L-E-R.
(Twenty second pause)
Guy 1: That's not how you spell it!

University Village

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#17 thanks, now i'm gonna be analyzing this all night

-14 [+ / -] Oct 05, 2008

Redneck Clerk 1: Y'know, I've always wondered that myself about them three little bears.
Redneck Clerk 2: Whaddya mean?
Redneck Clerk 1: Well, if the momma's porridge was too cold, and the daddy's porridge was too hot, how come the baby's was just right?
Redneck Clerk 2: Wow, I never thoughta that.

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#4 "she" just loves keeping up with traffic news

12 [+ / -] Oct 04, 2008

Large Bus Driver: 22 checkin' in.
Radio: Aight 22. Y'all might want to watch out for that traffic on Magnolia today. It's hard to get through.
Large Bus Driver: That's what she said.
(Passengers and Radio are silent)
Radio: (after some time) Copy that.

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#1 our first poem is an ode to monosaccharides

44 [+ / -] Sep 16, 2008

Professor: Alright class, welcome to English Composition 1. Please read along with me as I cover the syllabus.
Dumpy Kid: (opens door) Is this English Comp 1?
Professor: No, this is graduate-level Biochemistry.
Dumpy Kid: Sorry... (leaves awkwardly)
Professor: Week one, we will be reading several essays and poems...

Haley Center - English Comp 1

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